The One Where I Get Emotional

This election is going to make me crazy. It is already doing so. This is on top of other legitimate stressors in my life currently. But frankly, I haven't had a good cry in a while, and there may be one coming.

The flashpoint tonight? Something completely mundane. Facebook. Why is it that when you look for 'conservative politics' bumper stickers, multiple ones for remembering 9/11 appear? Did 9/11 only impact conservatives? That is a really stupid question, with a really simple answer. How come it has become a talking point for the conservatives, a catch-all for doing whatever we want to whatever countries we want?

I am worried that when I go to Georgia, I will be in a hotbed of conservative politics. Or surrounded by conservative roommates (again). Four years ago it wasn't as bad, I swear. It's worse now. Reading newspaper articles is as close as I can get...watching talking heads gives me agita.

I feel betrayed by gender in that white female undecided voters are flocking to a ticket with an unprepared, misinformed, gimmick of a candidate. This is not equality, she doesn't even SUPPORT pay equality.

Ugh. I can't even summon up all my righteous rage right now, it's not pretty and it's not articulate. The only thing I'm proud of is that my new mission to eradicate profanity from my speech was held up in this post. Though it did take a fair amount of backspacing.

Times I was sad that my cellphone was broken

1) When I thought of all the pictures I had saved on my old phone that were cute and semi-irreplaceable
2) When I saw a packaged full lobster at A&P today and wanted to take a picture of it
3) When I was rotting in a cubicle for the past week.



Additionally, less than a month to go. Eek. And !

Hero, part 1

Ohh ADA Casey Novak. In a show where I truly love every character, you may be the blinding light. I didn't even like you at first. You seemed prissy. Anti-cop. Anti-Benson, anti-Stabler. But then, in some episode, it clicked for me. It really pisses you off when people get off on technicalities. And frankly, the special case squad can get a little cowboy with their tactics sometimes. And when they hand things over to you, you're the realist. No one wants to be the one to say 'Seriously guys, punching him first was not a good idea'. But someone has to be, and you often choke it up and do just that. Frankly, for a while, I thought you were a little flat, a little cold. But then you revealed that fiance with schizophrenia that you kicked out of your life, who showed up dead one year later. Then you mindfucked a psychopath with a supermax sentence that fulfilled all the terms of your deal. And lastly, you provided me with a quote that I can't stop hearing in my head this year, that made me really feel like we may be two of a kind.

Benson: Casey, you're drowning in this.
Novak: I'm a big girl. I can swim.

Addendum

I take it back. After perusing the times magazine this weekend, and rolling my eye roughly 3-4 times, it may be nice to get away from the navel-gazing northeast.


Yet I still considered subscribing to New York magazine last night.


Could you blame me??

What I Will Miss

This post is prone to update as I remember more.

• Making my own egg-based breakfasts on Saturday morning
• Soy products, in general (this one is a possible not-miss, as I am not remotely sure of the provided diet in Georgia. Maybe the kids are on that vegetarian program that those prisoners in California are on. Probably not)
• The familiarity of New Jersey roads
• The ability to go home on weekends when the week has been too hard on me
• Being able to cry in the privacy of my own room
• Not having people depend on me at work (a double-edged sword...while it will be refreshing to make a difference for once, it will be an adjustment to work somewhere that I can't phone it in on days that I feel cruddy
• Being around (some of) the same people that I have adjusted to and been friends with for 3-4 years
• The New York Times magazine
• Long, in-person conversations with people that count
• Wearing nice clothes (usually)
  

"If one dream should fall and break into a thousand pieces, never be afraid to pick one of those pieces up and begin again." – Flavia Weedn

Fish eggs.

Lately I've been eating a lot of eggs, mostly because my mom showed me that the ones she bought come from "100% vegetarian-fed happy chickens who roam as they please" (sidenote, I had been blissfully, ignorantly eating wegman's eggs which come from COOPED UP AS ALL HELL chickens who are fed FISH PARTS). So one of my favorite things to add to eggs is curry powder, because it makes them a) a really bright gold color, and b) delicious. I always like things with a little more kick. For tomorrow's breakfast I have a brand new package of morningstar farm sausage, some happy eggs, an onion, and of course, my own coffee.

Hooray weekend.

Fun with dusk

If you want guys pursuing associate's degrees in theater to hit on you, you should look like this

I forgot how much I like goats. When I get my own farm there will have to be goats. I can watch them for hours.

A night at the museum, plus lyrics

Don't you understand? I already have a plan. I'm waiting for my real life to begin.

I got a new camera.

This blog is going to get more interesting. Or at least more illustrated.

The revolution is coming. No meat will be served.

Some day vegetarians will rule the world, and we'll frolic blissfully, with our low blood pressure, easygoing dispositions, and tiny carbon footprint. But until we all live in that great morningstar farms barn, we're forced to reside in a carnivorous world. At least in this country. But at this point, in the year 2008, why can't it be accepted, planned for, even acknowledged that some people don't eat meat?
Case in point, a recently attended graduation party. Setting: country club. Last time I had eaten: the day before. This was a poor choice on my part, but as I was tending to a sicker half for the day/night, it kind of came down to me showing up to this party at 1 pm, starving. Cocktail part yielded cheese, which was good, and veggies, ditto, but nearly every appetizer or puff-pastry related bite had meat in it. Sigh. I'll get over it. After being shepherded into the main room for the main course, we were directed to a buffet. Four silver serving platters flanked by salad and bread.

My lunch that day was salad and bread. Seriously...multiple main courses and instead of having pasta, you pick roast beef? Sliced roast beef? I'm not asking for tofu here, I'm not gonna open that can of...soy. However, this was ridiculous not only for anyone who wanted to not eat meat (and YES the salmon was meat), but also due to the fact that a vegetarian in arms was as close to the host as I was. And yet, no vegetarian option.

I can't wait until my wedding, when I will cast aside all portions of squash and puff pastry, and provide eggplant parm as a meal choice.

Yummmmm.

On the topic of meal choices I've now made two things in a row- from-scratch, iced sugar cookies, and then penne vodka, that were both very good. I think my cooking karma is back.

Party time!

This is worth seeing, but if you do not have someone to hold hands with it may make you sad. Even if you are a robot.

I am privileged

To have the opportunity to figure out what I want from my life in a safe environment that I chose for myself.


http://www.lavenajohnson.com/


There are so many bad things that have come out of the past eight years.

Worry comes naturally

Concerns, As Of June 28, 2008

-I like exercise. I don't like having to take a five minute walk to shower or use the bathroom
-I realize there is an outhouse, but I worry that my fear of the dark that had calmed down recently will come back when there is darkness and woods involved
-What am I going to eat? Since I am eating the same as the kids and everyone else will this resemble that fateful oak crest summer where I gained ten pounds? (college did not help this)
-I will not meet anyone I like enough to become friends with. This is probably unrealistic. While I am not the world's friendliest person, I have in the past found my own group of people who I genuinely like, after I resist over-friendly insincere people at the beginning. I just hope I live with some.
-I will not be able to handle the emotional load of whatever these kids bring to the table. I get upset at work sometimes just from reading personnel files. Hopefully the difference here will be that I am actively helping these kids with positive life changes.


All I can think of for now, everything else is a more private, non-internet friendly thought. I'll post soon with what I'm looking forward to the most, but that part is almost more daunting, because it's easy to deal with fears coming true, but it's harder to deal with hopes never quite developing.

Obama= Kramer?

Not really, but I was watching the "sponge" episode of Seinfeld the other night, which has a side story of Kramer and an AIDS walk. He refuses to wear a ribbon (for no reason, really) and the ensuing backlash is an angry mob of participants beating the crap out of him. And it reminded me of the 24 hour newscast hate on Obama for not wearing a flag pin.

I've been sleep-deprived, can you tell?

This post brought to you by Jen being late for work, and by me being an over-thinker.

Georgia.

For people in blog-land (none of whom actually read this) I am serving in Georgia, a half hour outside of Atlanta starting in September. I think everyone in the world knows anyway. I wished for this, and I have it, and now the anxiety sets in. Not surprising.

More interesting posts as details develop

Denver?

So in terms of progress made on Americorps applications, so far I had one interview last Tuesday. My first phone interview of all time. I guess I should have written about it soon after it happened, as I can't remember a ton of the specifics we spoke about. It's for a position in Denver, helping 16-21 year old foster kids transition to the 'real world' so to speak. I know I talked about plans for them, plans for myself, I hope I didn't come off as too self-aggrandizing, or seeing the benefits as only for myself and not others. The woman (girl?) I interviewed with seemed eager to sell me on the merits of Denver, which wasn't necessary. Though when I looked at weather.com it was 68 here and 45 there. Mile high, indeed.

priorities

Unrelated to important things in life...I have found the world's most comfortable underwear. I own two pairs, both with stripes. I am on pair number two today...it's bittersweet.

Important updates tomorrow (?)

Stuff to do

I've been on a kick recently where I lament the fact that "shit to do", abbreviated, is STD. I feel like it would make an excellent away message, but alas, I don't feel like inviting the criticism.
The whole point of this post and this blog is to build up to the next part of my life.
I figure if I just start blogging about Americorps out of the blue, it won't be as meaningful.
So this is where I will begin, in April. Waiting to hear about all of the programs I applied for.
And probably being boring.